I've made mistakes. I spent about a year lost. Many years before that meandering. But for one whole year, I put myself through several different stages of hell. And they all seemed fun at the time.
So I sit here, talking to you. Whoever the you are that read this. I marvel at the countries my google stats show me. Hello there you ... in Ukraine, Brazil, Romania, Bulgaria, Spain and oh so many more. I hope you know we are all one love. I myself, didn't used to know this. It's not until I spent that year off the rails of reality that I learned this. Unconnected and the only one to feel the way I felt ... struggling to see the point ... and being fooled at every turn.
I spoke for a while last night with my neighbor Alex. He's the one that said he believes every religion to be VALID. That immediately resonated with me. As did many other things he said. Alex is stuck in this puddle of re-living his past mistakes over and over. Regret. Who knew it could be avoided. I want Alex to know peace. I want him and you to know that our mistakes are merely experiences. We as a society put the labels of good or bad on those experiences. But for the most part, in my opinion there really is no good or bad. There just is. 'IS' being the reaction that we get when we experience life.
What I know is this: words and memories hold power. Memories affect our thoughts. And our thoughts affect our reality. When you're constantly regretting your past mistakes, you're gonna miss out on the ride. My friend Francis is all about correct thinking as therapy. He sees this too. He was the gateway to me learning about this. All through Facebook --take that FB haters! Peter McWilliams is another soul who knew the secret behind correct thinking. His words live on here to inspire others like myself.
"Chronic remorse, as all the moralists are agreed is a most undesirable sentiment. If you have behaved badly, repent, make what amends you can, and address yourself to the task of doing better next time. On no account brood over your wrong-doing. Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean."
Profound. Found that two years ago. After I read it, and let it sink in, it felt like a boulder was lifted off of my shoulders. This quote is in the 'forward' of Huxley's newer versions of "A Brave New World". I never read the 'forword' as a rule. I had read the entire book likely two years earlier and missed that little tidbit. Makes ya wonder about timing ... and whether we even have control of that. I mean, what made me read the 'forward' this time?
Pretend we're liquid. You and I and every everybody is liquid in a petri dish with several million compounds swirling around. The compounds are our experiences. How we were brought up. What your family members said or did to you. And how you yourself perceived those actions. Because lets face it, it's not often the same.
You can't really change those compounds. They are you. I mean, I guess you could have a lobotomy, but that ain't legal yet. Every single one of your past life experiences is in there--the ones you remember and the ones you don't. Now imagine that yet another drip of liquid is dropped into the dish. How will those compounds react? Will it bubble up and foam? Will it create heat and choking smoke? Quite often we have no control over how we react on a feeling basis to everyday life. But we do have control over how, when, or if we physically, verbally, or even sometimes mentally react. Thought precedes action. Always. So learn how to make that thought count ... and make that thought correct.
It's odd how honest I can be now. Like my tears, I spent years not being honest with myself or others, spent years never shedding a tear. But now I know that what I feel; others feel too. This is therapy. This has been one of the few therapies that has worked for me. I am okay with me and the dumb ass shit I've done. Some of it is laughable now. Most of it has been forgiven. Thank Goddess for family and unconditional love.
"Storms make trees take deeper roots", said Dolly Parton.
This is also profound to me. I used to see my mistakes as disappointments for and to others. I felt like our road together was so bumpy and crooked and full of holes, and it was all my fault. Those rocks and holes being my own poor judgments. But now I see that a road must be torn up, to be re-paved. You have to break apart those old chunks of incorrect thinking in order to turn them into something stronger, more secure. A road to survive the miles.
The "Correct Thinking Movement" is still in it's infancy but increasing in size like a snowball of the stickiest snow ... we're a force to be reckoned with. My buddy Francis is writing a book. I'll keep you posted on that. Peter McWilliams is someone that we all would have benefited from knowing. We're people saying, "No worries ... it's all good". We're the ones who know that life is too short to allow toxic memories affect your today. What good can come of that? Live in the now. If someone is a grumpy prick, they likely have reason to be. Even if it's their every day ... those are the ones most deserving of our understanding. And it's difficult. Holy shit do I ever know it's difficult. Just let it slide. Be water. And be in the one love of the now.
“Ten thousand flowers in spring, the moon in autumn, a cool breeze in summer, snow in winter. If your mind isn't clouded by unnecessary things, this is the best season of your life.”