I had another convo last night with a co-worker about the pigs coming out in the news recently. By pigs I mean humans who are unable to satisfy themselves sexually in normal, healthy, and respectable ways. Instead, most pigs either influence, rape, or drug innocent people and have their way with them.
Bill Cosby allegedly has a long history of doing this.
My co-worker says no way. Cosby is America's Dad she says.
Laugh out loud.
She, and others in this convo simply stated .... in a way that effectively washed clean their hands, their thoughts, their memories of any emotion, that those women are just lookin' for a pay-out.
Statute people .... statute of limitations states that those ladies couldn't get a dime even if they had evidence. I was at work, speaking with an authority figure, so I didn't speak my mind. Had I spoken my mind it would be like this:
"You're all assholes. Clearly .... NONE of you have EVER been sexually mistreated in any way or you would feel, speak, and act differently!!"
I was almost raped by a co-worker. Had I not had my Rottweiller with me, things may be different right now. And the thing is, when he finally left, his bruised ego and engorged passion in hand, I surely knew what had just happened. The empty pit in my gut told me. For days that void was there, making me feel ill, nauseous, unlike myself. I knew what had happened to me. But I didn't go to the police. I didn't even yell NO as it was happening! The one person I did tell ... our boss ... simply brushed it off saying he was told it was CONSENSUAL.
Sharing the details of a sexual assault is not a simple task. Not in process; nor in the volition it takes for a woman to actually report it to police. As I stood before my boss, his words and the look he gave me, effectively negated all that I knew had happened. Before that word was spoken, I was backed by my own knowledge, my own memory, and my own core wound that still felt empty and I knew I was right.
To me, that man had attempted to force me to have sex with him.
To the boss, that man was the best car sales person he had. His #2. His right hand man.
The look my boss gave me shattered all of my gumption. All the truths I had backing me suddenly turned to smoke and dissipated into the great abyss. This look my boss gave me, is likely similar or the same look that every sexual assault victim sees upon speaking their truth. Whether it's shown to them or not, they feel shame and like every word they speak crumbles down their chin.
My boss looked at me like I was nothing more than a dirty, lying, stinking, slutty whore who just wanted my 15 minutes of glory.
I left that day FULL of shame. I didn't feel like a victim. I felt the guilt that should have been shouldered on that man ... that pig ... but it was shouldered on ME the victim ~ not HE the attacker.
Just IMAGINE how I would have felt had I gone to the Police.