My Righteous Turn to Talk

I got bible-thumped the other night.  But it was a free ride so ... I just let it happen.

I smiled as he told me about Jesus and the book.  As though I, at 42 wonderful years wouldn't
already know about him and it.

I was baptized and raised Catholic.  I have opinions of my own about that book.  Yet my faith was supposed to supersede questions or curiosity or the desire to comprehend.

But this guy schooled me with such surety.  Like he had no doubts that A). he was right and B). I gave a shit.  I sat in awe of his confidence that I was listening.  How does he do that?  How was he so sure that I wanted to hear any of that nonsensical fairy tale sillyness?

In reading about Christianity and all of it's bajillion different sects, I've learned that this way of acting is a common thing.  This man spoke as though he were so RIGHTEOUS that it choked me.  That word.  Man, who knew it had so many meanings?

The first 100 or so times I heard that word, it was preceded with the word "self" so to be honest, I was surprised to ever hear it used in a positive way.  But it's supposed to be a good thing ... to be righteous.  To "act in accord with divine or moral law".  Sounds like a know-it-all to me.

And so I thought, what the heck ... I'll bite.  So I says, "I just have a real problem that this book was put together by a roomful of men.  I'm bothered by the fact that women are few and far between in those pages."

He smiled righteously, ready for catechism #2.  He listed other females from the book, as though that mattered.  For me, it's not so much the name or the existence of the female form in the bible, it's their role in that book.  Let's face it, women were lower than the bull back then.  This righteous man kept talking about the book as a guideline for how to live our lives.  While in reality, if that were the truth, I'd be barefoot and pregnant, and not needing a free ride from work because my place, as stated very clearly in the book, is to be in service to the master.

I continued to smile sweetly as he spoke of God's love for all of us.

Let me be clear ... I know who God is.  The Goddess and I are tight.  The Source is where it's at, and the Spirit gifts me daily.  I don't need no schooling in spirituality and now that I've had time to digest this experience, I feel somewhat offended.  Let this be a lesson to any and all righteous Christians reading this:  we don't need your help.  Ask before you school.  Don't assume that you are wise and I am not.

My unsolicited spiritual adviser left it with an open invitation to have coffee sometime and talk more about Jesus and the book that I personally believe uses him like porn.  I once again nodded.  Stuck in politeness. But if that time ever comes rest assured .... I will have my own righteous time to talk.

Winning the Fight

When depression grips me, I go down like Gandalf and Balrog.
Sometimes I feel the falling, and gripping at the sides, I cling to the now in desperation.

And all the while I'm down, I'm fighting it.  Winning battles and losing battles.
Being convinced -- but then convincing my demon of my worth.

For Gandalf, it's a fire breathing bull but for me, my dark I call the Krakken.

I realize today, in the moments I write this, how very much I learn from my falls
down that deep, dark hole of depression.

I know that I rise the victor after every fight, for in this fight, not winning means not rising.

My Krakken thinks I'm a waste of space.  Every fight we have is to the death -- literally.
It tries to convince me to give up, to give in, to surrender.

But I rise because some part of me is a fighter, a scrapper, a stubborn Celtic starseed
that will not surrender to the darkness.

And so I win.  I am winning.
Is this what winning means?  Does it mean winning over our own demon too?

I rose today to see goodness in the world.
I feel love and compassion,
I feel inspired for my future.

In happiness we celebrate;  in struggle we learn.

The Envelope $ystem

I overheard three older gentlemen discussing finances yesterday at my local java shop.  The one was talking about his system of rationing his funds.  He cashes his check, pays his rent and then places $15 into 30 separate envelopes for each day of that month.

This one man went on to talk with regretful words, about how he wishes he had paid his debts long ago.  Now he only wants to get back to that $15 a day thing.  

"I just feel better being able to see my money in front of me.  I don't trust those banks and I just like to see my money at home."

He's not alone.  Whether it's under your bed, in your freezer, or in the half empty cereal box up in the cupboard .... wherever you keep your moolah, many believe it to be safer hidden away than kept in a bank.

Can you imagine being content with $15 a day in spending money?  I assume this man eats at Martha's Table, our local non-profit community group that offers low-cost meals to those in need.  It's a busy place, even for this rich city that boasts Canada's first Prime Minister.

But in every group there is a voice of reason.  Of the three gents before me, there was the economist, the hype-guy friend, and the voice-of-reason.

When the economist was talking about the banks being untrustworthy, the hype-guy sat listening intently, nodding his head in agreement with his friend's logic.  He said, "you might have special needs, but you're not stupid right?".  And they all laughed together.

Finally, the voice-of-reason spoke up as though he could no longer bite his tongue.

He said,  "Dave ... you been using that envelope system for all of the years that I've known you.  But it doesn't always work."

At this, the economist and his hype-guy friend both paused and looked straight at their friend who continued, his voice rising in stern volume as he continued .....

"Your envelope $ystem doesn't work Dave because you kept taking money out of the other ENVELOPES!!!".

I couldn't keep a straight face any longer and I turned myself so I was looking out the window.  So much logic on a Monday afternoon.

The only reason I was there, was the free coffee I won with their yearly contest.  

So many humans with pretty much identical problems.

The CN Tower, Off-Limits to Some?

As a kid growing up in Ontario, the CN Tower was a big deal to me. For years it was known as the world's tallest free-standing tower. That made me a proud young Canadian.  Even today, for Torontonians the CN Tower is like the North Star, helping city-dwellers navigate every day.  I remember the thrill I felt the first time I saw it while driving to Niagara Falls with my family.  That big bulbous tower signified something great in my young psyche.

There's one Ontario kid though, that sees the CN Tower differently now.  He and his family were just turned away from the Tower for the craziest of reasons.  A reason this kid doesn't need to be concerned about.  A reason that does not follow logic, or laws, or compassion.  You see, this kid's step-dad is a chronic pain sufferer. We all know and love one of those.  I too was a kid who's dad had chronic pain.  I've researched, and suggested.  I even asked a psychic once to tap into his energy and tell me how much pain he was really in.  Seeing someone you love grimace in pain leaves a mark that lasts forever.

Mike Knox is this kid's step-dad and he has finally found a medicine that eases his pain without addiction, constipation, nausea, or the numbing of his emotions. Mike is now a legal medical cannabis patient through the MMPR program.  I'd imagine like so many others, Mike tried the Tylen@l  route.  He may have even tried the opioid route too.  Both of which hold well documented detriment to the human body.  Look at this article that says Acetaminophen dulls emotions as well as pain.  Just what a parent wants and needs eh? And look at this summary from the Canadian Center on Substance Abuse.  It states that in Ontario opioid-related deaths increased dramatically from 2004 to 2011.  It increased 242% between 1991 and 2010.  There's clearly a problem here.  Yet both of these poisons are sold and pushed every single day on our fellow humans.  We need to stop the insanity.

Here's the scoop:  Mike took his lady Courtney and her son Lennon to see Canada's great big tower. It was supposed to be an adventure but it turned sour fast.  Before they were allowed entry into the tower they were asked by security to empty their pockets. None had anything to hide, so they did as they were asked.  Mike had his medicine in his pocket.  He even transported it in the prescription bottle it came in. They were only there for the day so he couldn't keep it anywhere else.  The security told him that he was not welcome there and told all three to leave.

The only details that matter here are the facts.  Mike is a legal cannabis user.  Mike followed all of the rules outlined by the MMPR program.  Mike is one of over 40,000 Canadians who use this plant legally for medical purposes and they have been prescribed this medicine by a Medical professional. Yet, like the Security at Canada's Wonderland, these ones are not educated or informed on any of those rules.  Read another blog post I wrote where my friend Anthony Goncalves, a legal cannabis patient was kicked out of Wonderland for ingesting this plant.  He was following the rules too.  And finally I can't help but mention Michael Korchak from Nova Scotia who was told he couldn't bring his prescribed medicine on the Air Canada flight home for the holidays.  Here's his story.  This one in particular hits home for me as I have friends who board their flight tomorrow and will go without their medication for the flight from British Columbia to Quebec.  They're both legal.

Do we understand what the word legal means Canada?

Thankfully, Lennon is only two so he likely won't remember the incident.  But it's a part of his history and that's a shame if you ask me.  His history ... all of our history's include this and other examples of the breakdown of humanity and the double-standards therein.  In the year 2016 Canada has a Liberal Government who promised to legalize this plant completely.  And at what was once known as the world's tallest free standing tower, the Security are not even educated on this Government-run Medical program.  What the hell?  We are better than this Canada.

In closing, I'd like to use this example and the many others that go unnoticed as a "teachable moment".  Ontario alone has many arenas, entertainment venues, museums, and other places where a person may be asked to empty their pockets at the door.  Is this going to continue to happen over and over again?  I'm hereby asking the Liberal Government to add another aspect to their legalization measures.  We need a team of educators to contact each and every one of these venues to ensure that tax-paying, law-abiding citizens are not turned away from their doors because they carry their medicine in their pockets or purse.  For instance, I live in Kingston where our local arena The Rogers K-Rock Centre has won #1 Venue for the past 3 years (under 8000 seats).  I know for a fact that there are legal Cannabis patients in Kingston.  If they come to a concert, function, or hockey game will they be asked to leave for bringing their doctor-prescribed medicine that they intend to consume outside during intermissions?  We must do a better job educating everyone on the rules regulating medical cannabis.

DISGRUNTLED

What does that word mean to you?

It seems this word gets put on the ex-employee often.

When really, you likely wouldn't be an ex employee

if you were PLEASED with their treatment of you.

It's shocking how a word ... 11 little letters ... can change

the reader's perception.

The term "disgruntled employee" changes everything.

Sadly I've had a lot of jobs. I've been the disgruntled

employee many times and I had a right to feel that way

every friggin' time.

I look back on past jobs-- jobs I had before I even knew

there were employment standards-- and I kick myself for

all that I allowed to happen.

I know I go on and on about it to the point of annoyance,

but employment standards are what separate us from

North Korea and other countries where employees have

no rights.

It's funny how an industry norm can become so

accepted even if it's against the law. Take the tip kitty.

It's simply understood by many that you pay into it no

questions asked. In my day, they used to lie about it and

tell us it was for an end-of-season staff party!

Just a spoonful o' sugar makes the bullshit go down!

The bullshit go down 

Bullshit go down!

Now they don't have to lie at all. Capitalism and this

solid acceptance of it brings us another four-letter word

that seems to give them every right to take your tips.

COST

That word gets thrown around so often that it's like it 

has claws or a mind of its own.

"It's the norm," they'll say.

It's the norm because I and the millions of other food and

beverage workers allowed it to happen so long ago.

It's the norm because there's no oversight for it, no education in

high schools about it, and no substantial action taken when

it's discovered.

How an employee is treated and the law surrounding that

isn't important ....

it's EVERYTHING!

What can you do?

Ask your server, every server you have, if they 

have to pay into a kitty or a tip-out.

Ask them what happens if their table leaves 

without paying.  Do they pay the bill?

Ask them if they get regularly scheduled breaks
when their shift exceeds 5 hours.

What you do with the answers they give is up 

to you and your wallet.

It takes a community to demand what's right, and
maybe when their actions start COSTing these 
business owners, they'll change.

For interest sake, check out THIS ARTICLE from 2012
where CBC's GoPublic goes undercover to learn about 
the infamous TIP KITTY.

Friendly or Flirty ... Beware of Confusion

The world is awash with conflict right now, conflict of many forms.  I'm only concerned right now with the conflict being fought between man~woman, male~female.  We thought we were equal, but upon closer examination we see that sometimes women aren't treated equally after all.  Sometimes, situations arise that shift that intangible force making us equal, and we find ourselves saying wtf just happened?

Examples in the news:

Ghomeshi is on trial for allegedly engaging in BDSM without consent.

Cosby is charged with "aggravated indecent assault", and is being tried by public opinion for allegedly drugging and raping over 50 women.

Emery is on trial by public opinion for his allegedly blatant blasts of misogyny and sexual harassment of his employees, co-workers, activists in the cannabis cause.

Or is it just a normal day on planet Earth?

Whenever I bring up the above situations with certain people, the immediate response is that the women are looking for a payout.  The last time this occurred I vowed to never bring it up again.  My deodorant was not strong enough for that conversation, but it showed me something.  That conversation and the multiple others I've had, showed me that we have a huge perception issue surrounding sexual assault and sex in general.

We put more emphasis on the women who falsely accuse men of rape, than we put on those who are raped. We believe that a woman is more likely to lie for the moolah than tell the truth.  When and where did this begin?  And why?

I mean, out of 100 cases, 97 of the accused rapists go without punishment.  Even if some of those cases involve women who are lying, there are still many who are not.  That's one sad and sick stat.

This is a statement I recently overheard from an aquaintance:

"Women and girls shouldn't put themselves in situations that will end up in sexual assault. It's that easy."

Huh.  So maybe we are better off barefoot and pregnant are we?  I mean, I'll share some of my own examples of harassment, and they all occurred at work.

Situation #1:  A co-worker and authority figure saw that I was upset by a recent break-up.  He asked if I needed to talk and could he buy me a coffee after work.  During coffee, he asked if we could go somewhere else to talk as the restaurant we were in was busy.  He asked if we could go to my apartment and I said yes because this man was a "father-figure" to myself and my fellow co-workers.  I had nothing to fear, he only wanted to help.

I was wrong.  The whole concern thing was a guise to get his rocks off.  We sat on my couch and within moments it began.  I pushed him away and tried to laugh it off because I had to work with him tomorrow and the next day and the next day too.  In fact, I'd likely have to see his lovely wife during that time.  But he kept pushing, hard-on in hand, kissing me and pulling me in to him.  I kept saying things like, "stop it ... c'mon smarten' up".  I kept that sickening self preserving smile on my face so that he didn't take offense.  Ya that's right.  I was trying not to be assaulted and trying to save face for him along the way.

I'd like to say I was strong in that instance.  I'd like to say I was a shining example of what a strong woman would do when being pushed into her own bedroom by an assailant.  But I wasn't any of kind of strong, I was still in the save-face mode and the only thing that saved me was Sasha the Rottweiller who knew what was happening even better than I did.

Situation #2:  This is where the flirty or friendly thing comes in.  I used to be a bartender, and friendly was my thing.  Full of suggestions, full of smiles, full of small talk.  Heck, I've even been full of free hugs a time or two.  The job of tending the bar, or serving a meal is one that requires uber attention and that step above in friendliness.  At least it was with me, and my tip cup, and my bank account reflected that.

One night last year during a very busy event, I ran into the hubby of a friend I used to work with.  I was in full customer service mode and took a moment to chat, give a hug, laugh at his flirts.  I always thought laughing it off was enough.  The next event was similar and this guy asked my co-workers where I was working and showed up there.  The same chit-chatting went on, hugs were exchanged, and each time that hug got tighter, closer, more intimate.  I was at work and in full smile mode. When weeks of this continued, I finally couldn't take it anymore.  He kept saying things (jokes) that implied I'd sleep with him any time he wanted.  When he did it in full earshot of my friend and co-worker Danielle, I knew that I had to put the hammer down.  But I couldn't becuase I'm a pussy and I've been doing customer service since I was 13 years old.  Telling someone to back off while in that mode is not possible.  And if it ever could be, I'd certainly not be able to regain composure and continue the shift!

So that night he found me before he left the event and wanted his usual hug.  I was behind the counter and acted too busy.  I said, "no hugs tonight buddy, I'm too busy. See ya next week!"  He thought I was joking and started to come behind the counter towards me.  Thankfully, Danielle blocked his entry, and told him to get back.  Belligerence swiftly showed it's ugly head.  His flirty tone turned to anger and embarrassment.  I was a bitch and he told me so as he walked off.

Situation #3:  I began a new job and after the short training period ended, I met more of the other employees.  One of my regular weekly shifts saw me working for a few hours alone with one other guy.  He'd been employed there for a few years and was once again somewhat my authority.

Very soon on that first night working, he decided to bring up his personal stuff.  I am a good listener and people see this quickly.  Over the years, people have told me things they wouldn't tell others. People share details I don't need, but talk therapy is real and I'm usually happy to help.  But not this kind of help, which wasn't help at all.  Over the span of an hour or two, I was told about his bisexuality, his threesomes, the bars he frequents in the city, the size of his penis, the effectiveness of his penis, certain sexual situations he's been in.  Then to top it all off, after coming back in from a smoke break, he stopped beside my desk and put his cel phone in my face-- a shiny cel phone with a pic of his shiny erect penis.  And there I am, the new employee.

In each of these situations, here is my thought process (if I can remember correctly).

"Just do your job and ignore him"
"Just pretend you're really busy"
"Just smile, you're almost done your shift"
"Don't show your disgust, you need this job"
"You'll be ok as soon as you get home"

Or should I have reacted differently?  My default reaction to someone doing this, is to laugh it off.  I mean, we humans joke about things.  And yes that response has worked several times for me in lighter situations.  But imagine how I felt in each of those situations.  Two of the douchebags were authority figures and one was a customer.  Flirty or friendly can be confused.  In each of the above situations I know those men thought that I was into it.

Situation #1:  The co-worker who got escorted to the door by my heroic Rottweiller told our boss that it was consensual and our boss believed him.

Situation #2:  In the many weeks of friendly greetings and free hugs, that man truly thought that I was accepting his advances and looking forward to them.

Situation #3:  And finally, because I didn't stop the bisexual experience conversation with the third guy, well he likely thought I'd be game for it again.  Because I didn't tell him to get his dick-pic out of my face, he likely thought that I wanted to see it in person!

The perception of how others feel is warped in some of us and once we're turned on, some of us don't even consider the possibility that the other person isn't into it.  How many times have you heard a rapist say that the victim was into it at the time?  What if she wasn't and he just didn't notice?  Think about that.

***We've all met or heard of the woman who shoots a man down immediately upon flirtation.  Maybe we've only seen them onscreen.  We often call her a prude or a bitch even.  We think she's no fun if she can't take a joke and a little harmless flirtation.  But she's not a bitch, she's me or you in ten years.  She's the woman who had the above situations thrown at her too many fukking times.  She's the woman who has been let go of jobs because she can't deal with sexual advancements.  She's just a human trying to make a living without bullshit drama.  Why is that so bad?

I know how to fix this whole thing about as well as I know how to turn my friendly off.  I can't do it. My natural way of being is sociable.  I'm the one talking to you in the elevator about the weather.  I'm the one smiling at you when we pass on the sidewalk.  Should I become a hard-ass because those smiles are often misunderstood?  Or are we going to ask society to start punishing those who harass, bully, and assault?

I'm for the latter.  What about you?

Dear Females

2016 may be the year the misogynists drown.  I hope so.

Dear Female,

A few things you should know:

When your date turns into "boxing match foreplay",

know that you have a voice.

When your co-worker makes advances that turn your stomach,

know that you have power.

When your boss pins you to the ground with sick sexual urges,

know that I will support you.

Know this also Females.

Misogyny clouds judgment.

Misogyny clouds perception.

They think, "I know better, You will like it".

They don't know they're committing crimes, 

they only know the urge in their pants has taken

over their mind.

KNOW that in this world of glam & glitter where breasts are

used to sell, YOU ARE MORE THAN THIS.

You are WOMAN!!! I wanna hear you ROAR!

Know that tomorrow, the story will change.

You will suddenly look like the one who wanted it.

But I believe you, I feel you, I've felt it too many times also.

Know that I support you

Know that I believe you

Know that I will fight for you til my last beating breath.

This is not a rant only for the femme.

This is for everyone who sees the femme as equal!!!!

Dear Female: I've got your back ... and after this weekend,

I know I'm not alone.

Thank you to all who fight the misogyny in our wakes.