Xmas 2013 was monumental one for me. Gifts, good tidings, and wonderful munchies aside, what I was shown this year was more upon more unconditional family love.
You see, I have depression ... though I don't really believe in boxes and labels anymore. In my opinion, when we put a depressed person in a box, they begin to feel like they cannot climb out ... or have no right to try. Two bigwigs at the Hospital here diagnosed me with Major Depressive Disorder way back in 2007. They told me that the Cannabis I was using to ease stress and aid sleep was contraindicating my antidepressants. They upped my doses and prescribed me Mirtazapine for sleep. Funny ... two bigwigs convinced me that their pills were safer than the Goddess's plant. And a week later their pills proved them both wrong.
I took my pill as prescribed, set my alarm, put in my ear plugs and off to la-la land I went one Sunday night. It's difficult to tell this story because I don't remember what happened a few hours later. I apparently spoke to my mother, made plans to meet tomorrow, and went back to sleep. On my walk to work the next day, I answered an anxious call from my mom wondering where I was. One pill and I was so sedated that I had a complete conversation that I don't remember. That is scary shit. Let me tell you what ... in the ten years that I've been ingesting Cannabis, I have NEVER done anything that I don't remember!
A year after that saw me wean myself off of all antidepressants. I opened the Cymb@lta caplets and divided the granules up into piles. The moment I felt a zinger, I took a few more granules. What's a zinger? A zinger is the only way that I can describe what your brain feels like when it's detoxing from pharmaceuticals. It's more a sound to be honest, unless I'm focused on something like a television, in which case the image will almost jerk like broken or bad reception. I did that for three weeks. And then I was free.
But alas, denying that the box exists, does not make it so. I needed a therapy for my 'depression' and what better therapy than a three-in- one? My 3-in-1 is ... Cannabis ... while Exercising ... in the Sun. This therapy pulls me out of my dark cyclical and self-defeating thoughts by triggering my brain to release stress-easing endorphins, and ensures my Vitamin D levels are at high. When one begins a new therapy ... self-prescribed or doctor-prescribed it's often difficult to feel change let alone improvement through the daily chaos that is life. But when someone you love sees it in you, well that's where the truth is. My family see how much clearer I now am. They see my life progressing rather than sinking. They now hear the oft-lacking confidence as I speak about what's important to me. They know it is because of their unconditional love, my persistence and this plant.
The monumental part of 2013 came when my unconditionally loving parents allowed me to ingest my medicine in the basement rather than the shed. So much love.
Perhaps next time I'll ask if anyone wants to join me.
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