Wednesday 22 June 2016
Cannabis Put the Pagan Back In Me
When I think back on my history, it’s clear that I was searching to find my own skin. The one I was born in never felt right. Or it felt right when I was alone with my horses or my family but not with my peers. Growing up we look for likenesses. I spent my early years dirty playing with frogs or any furry I could find. Then I had to grow up. We compare ourselves to others. I had depression so I did a lot of this. I was always easily influenced and became a bit of a chameleon, learning every detail about new friends, but never disclosing any of my own. I always felt inferior, so I wore a lot of skins. None fit. It really wasn’t until I met my hunni and started ingesting the Earth’s sacrament daily, that I really formed a solid image of myself. Cannabis helped me see who I really am.
Now I wear my split ends like medals of bravery and stealth. I let my ragged locks fall around my shoulders wildly most days, unable to even pull my fingers through them at times. At 42 I finally like my body, the jiggly bits too. The skin in places has grown thin like crepe-paper. I don’t remember when that happened, but I no longer hide it, I embrace it. My wrinkles remind me daily that I’ve lived and laughed enough times to leave a mark. They are evidence of happiness and joy. Why be ashamed of them?
I gave away so many hours to vanity. So much cream rubbed on. So many hours conditioning. So many dollars spent. I’ll never get that back. Now, I don’t use many of the commonly used products on the market. My cuts no longer get covered with petroleum by-product based creams. My skin no longer gets cleansed with toxic lathering ingredients made in a lab. I no longer slather lotions of questionable content on every inch of my person. I accept that some parts of my body will never be smooth. Today, I’m okay with all of it.
Nowadays, most of the products I use I make myself. My aches and pains are chased away by Cannabis infused coconut oil in gelatin caplets. Why buy in a store what you can make yourself? I walk past the muscle rub aisle and just rub my sore muscles with the same cream but mixed with beeswax and castor oil. Even my depression is eased with these flowers rather than the gut microbe-sterilizing pills I used to take. My whole being is more healthy now.
I’ve been reconnecting with nature lately and it feeds a part of me that forgot it was hungry. Today I puttered around with the patio door wide open, curtains blowing in the breeze. It felt right. I feel right and I have this plant to thank for it. I proudly wear my Cannabis leaf pendant around my neck these days. It’s permission for you to ask me anything about this plant. Question period begins now.
Cannabis makes me feel the connection with mother earth. Rooted my feet take hold now, I am sure of my place in the universe. I’m finally confident. I’m finally inspired to be who I am and be proud of that star-seed however different she may be. In the end, this plant has made my skin feel right. Who knew? Cannabis put the Pagan back in me.