Written by myself with Ai research and wording assistance.
It was my friend Cathy—an intuitive energy worker—who finally helped me see the truth:
Most of the shame I’d carried for decades wasn’t mine at all.
I know that sounds strange. After all, shame feels personal. Heavy. Internal. But what if it’s not always ours to begin with? What if, like smoke in the air, we breathe it in from childhood, culture, or other people’s unresolved wounds?
Cathy helped me name it. She gently said:
"This doesn’t feel like your shame. It feels inherited. Or absorbed."
Cathy asked me to be in the earliest moments and feel them. She asked me what I felt. I did as she asked and it was there, the truth. In those moments, core memories that I've always attached shame to popped into my mind. Cathy asked me if I felt shame and the answer was a clear no. I saw these experiences from a different view now and saw that I MYSELF didn't actually feel shame for those experiences.
I saw that one time when I was 9 and then another time when I was 19 -- and dozens of times in between where other family members felt shame because of my actions and put that shame upon me. Other times, much younger me was made to feel shame for wanting body autonomy and not wanting to kiss my family members. In turn, they shamed me for it. That might be the earliest moment I can remember accepting shame that wasn’t mine. I now see that most of these times what I felt wasn't shame but sadness and fear of abandonment. The child who didn't want to kiss her sisters was shamed for it and made to cry so that she in turn, ran to them for comfort. When I remember this moment, I remind myself that they were children too
Cathy suggested that these memories will come up in the coming hours and days--they did, still do--and in each one I see that I didn't feel shame for those things! I was having fun, learning about new people and new experiences. I had many feelings but shame was never one of them until I saw those actions reflected back at me from those around me.
I see now that they may have felt shame or embarrassment and put it upon me. I even see now that shame was used as a tool. There were times I was shamed for things that didn't even matter to the person shaming me, but they knew it would affect me. In this way, shame as a weapon or a tool of effect is used daily in many many ways.
Once it was clear that I felt the release, a distinct knowing that the shame we identified and worked on, was never mine, Cathy introduced me to a way to change those painful memories by forgiving myself for accepting and living with this shame for so long. This is the healing practice known as Ho’oponopono.
Special thanks to Cathy for her insight and guidance. Scroll down to the bottom to get the link to Cathy’s website.
What Is Ho’oponopono?
Ho’oponopono is an ancient Hawaiian practice of forgiveness and emotional cleansing. Traditionally used to reconcile within families and communities, it was later adapted into a modern self-healing method by spiritual teacher Morrnah Simeona and popularized globally by Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len.
In its simplest form, it involves repeating four powerful phrases:
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.
You say them to yourself. To the Universe. To your body. To your inner child. To anyone or anything you’re holding pain around.
You don’t need to analyze. You don’t need to relive the trauma. You just say the words and let them work through the subconscious layers where old pain and programming hide.
My Experience: Speaking to the Mirror
After that conversation with Cathy, I tried it.
Standing in front of the mirror, I looked into my own eyes and began:
“I’m sorry.”
“Please forgive me.”
“Thank you.”
“I love you.”
At first, it felt awkward. Forced, even.
But as I kept going, something shifted.
I saw sadness.
Then compassion.
Then strength I hadn’t acknowledged in years — strength I used to see so differently.
I wasn’t asking someone else to forgive me.
I was speaking to myself.
To the little one inside who had taken on burdens to survive.
To the woman who still tried to carry it all.
And I realized I’d never really told myself “I love you.” Not like this.
Why It Works (Energetically Speaking)
Ho’oponopono works at the level of the subconscious, which stores 90% of our emotional patterns and beliefs—many of which were formed long before we had the tools to process them.
When we repeat the four phrases, we’re not trying to “fix” anything intellectually.
We’re clearing energetic residue, offering love to parts of ourselves that have been ignored, shamed, or silenced.
Cathy explained it this way:
"You’re not just healing for yourself. You’re helping clear ancestral pain. Collective pain. And you're doing it without blame."
This practice doesn’t deny harm.
It doesn’t erase what happened.
It simply dissolves the hold it has on us.
Letting Go of Shame That Was Never Yours
If you’ve carried a heaviness you can’t explain…
If you’ve apologized for existing…
If you feel like you’ve been swimming in shame that isn’t even yours…
Try it.
Say the words.
Even if you don’t fully believe them yet.
Especially then.
Say them in the mirror.
Whisper them to your heart.
Offer them to your body before bed.
You don’t need a ritual. But you can create one. Light a candle. Play music. Let it be sacred. Let it be real. while splashing your face with morning water, applying cream, or dabbing on makeup — or all three at once.
Because when we speak to ourselves with love, forgiveness, and gratitude…
We change the pattern.
We become our own medicine.
Special thanks to Cathy who helped me begin this journey with my first facilitated shame session. Now I am movin and grovin on my own. Check out Cathy’s work at https://www.cathysartofenergy.com
She has created some beautiful Healing Art Cards too. Pre-order special is available until August 29th, 2025.
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